#BLM — Breonna’s Life Mattered

We knew it was coming. Not because the decision was leaked yesterday. Not because of the settlement reached with her family. Not because of the atmosphere of zero accountability that protects policing in this country. No, we knew for one simple reason: It was taking too damned long.

It has been 204 days since the police murdered this beautiful soul whose only crime was being in bed asleep when they fucked up in spectacular fashion.

204 DAYS.

Do not talk to me about gathering information. Do not sing a song of six pence, pocket full of crying, victimy officers. I do not want to hear about “the process.”

On every level possible, “the process” failed Breonna Taylor.

But then “the process” seems to fail far too often when a Black person is involved.

I think about her death so much. Past midnight. Asleep. In her bed. In her home. Just like you, just like me.

I imagine hearing a loud banging. I imagine how Rudy and I would startle awake, the fear that would fill us both. I imagine reaching for a gun to protect us against whoever/whatever was trying to break into our home. (Yes, we own a gun. Holster your shock that a liberal has a firearm. And knows how to use it.)

I think about the door breaking down and people rushing in in the darkness. And I think about which one of us would be holding the gun and shooting.

Because that is exactly what we would do. It is exactly how any of us with a weapon would respond under those circumstances. Taylor’s boyfriend, Kenneth Walker, had the weapon in his hand, and as he has told officers, he feared it was a dangerous ex-boyfriend of Breonna’s. He fired a single warning shot. It hit an officer, Jonathan Mattingly, in the leg. Mattingly then shot into the dark SIX TIMES.

Another officer, Myles Cosgrove, entered the apartment and blindly fired SIXTEEN shots down the hallway. Brett Hankison, outside the apartment, then fired blindly into the dark, into the window and patio door, TEN TIMES. Some of the rounds he fired went into a neighbor’s apartment and endangered the people living there. Remember that part.

In all, officers fired 32 shots that night.

I think about what would be Rudy’s horror to turn and see me bleeding out on the floor. But with an officer shot, all attentions went to him. The other officers quickly called for an ambulance, as they had, for some reason, dismissed the one that had been there as part of raid protocol.

Breonna lay there coughing, sputtering, fighting for her life — a life they cared zero about. Her boyfriend called 911 — THAT is how anyone paid attention to what had been done to her. “I don’t know what’s happening,” Mr. Walker said on a recorded call to 911. “Someone kicked in the door and shot my girlfriend.”

Breonna received no medical attention for twenty minutes. And by then it was far too late for anything but the coroner and a sheet.

I think about the shock, the rage, the horror felt by Kenneth as within minutes of being frightened awake, he faced the dead body of Breonna. 20 minutes after waking, she was dead, he was under arrest. All they had been doing was sleeping.

For that crime, he was charged with the attempted murder of an officer. “The only reason I even had the gun out (was) because we didn’t know who it was,” he told police. “If we knew who it was, that would have never happened.” That charge was later dismissed, but seriously, WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?

That question is for every one of you cop apologists, everyone of you bootlicking police fetishists who think cops can do no wrong, and worse, should face no accountability for any of their actions.

You stockpile your guns, your ammo. You drone on endlessly about “protecting yer homes, yer families.” You tell me honestly, under identical circumstances, WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE? You people are all grab-your-balls-Ramboed-up for a simple stroll through Walmart, and you want me to believe you would not react the exact same way Kenneth did if the safety of your home was breached in the dead of night?

Hear that? It’s your precious 2nd amendment whispering at you, “Hyyyyyppppooooccccrriiiiiiiiiiiitttttte.”

Kenneth had a gun license. Not a thing illegal there. And he used it for protection. That same protection you whine endlessly about when even the whiff of stronger gun laws are brought up. I hope you never have to use your precious metal phallus to protect yourself or your family, but if someone begins breaking down your door in the dead of night? I defend your right to pull out your favorite gun, let’s call it Suzy-Q (God knows you people love to name your weapons) and let Suzy-Q do the damage necessary to keep you, your spouse, your children, your dog Skeeter, safe and alive.

Oh, before I forget — Kentucky has a stand your ground law. That not apply to Black people standing theirs? Is that a White people only kind of law? I guess we’ll see. Kenneth is suing the police department for immunity against any further charges and “for the trauma, humiliation, indignity, physical pain, mental suffering, or mental anguish” he has suffered.

I am sickened as, through the past 204 days, every excuse in the books has been thrown up by people trying to defend what took place that night. And there have been plenty, because Breonna and Kenneth are Black. If they were white, this whole thing would be taking place in reverse. Accountability would have been fast and furious, that 12 million dollars would be more and would have happened so fast the Police Union’s accountant’s head would still be spinning. Every white gun owner would be defending Kenneth and taping pictures of Breonna’s face to their windows and trucks. News stories would laud them as good Christians. Interviews would detail Breonna’s godly work in the ER. Kenneth would be defended just as Kyle Rittenhouse is being defended. (And before you get your ass in a knot at that picture, STOP. My white life is granted immediate privilege, benefit of the doubt, and handled with kid gloves when encountering the police. My last encounter, we joked, we laughed, we played rock trivia, and he took 10 mph and $100 off my speeding ticket.)

But they are both Black. So every past transgression is frantically looked for, her ex being associated with drugs is beaten like a drum. Here’s the thing — NOTHING IN THEIR PAST MATTERS HERE. Just as Trayvon having smoked pot had fuck all to do with him being murdered, and certainly did not mean he had it coming. I have a history of smoking pot, enjoying edibles — does that mean that I am deserving of whatever murderous fuckery comes my way? Tamir Rice was 12 years old and playing in a park. Shot dead. Oh, he looked bigger than 12. As if that is truly a defense for an officer exiting a vehicle and shooting in the same swift movement. Tamir was playing with a pellet gun, not aiming it at the cop.

But because Black lives are devalued across the board, deemed inferior, less deserving of consideration, thoughtful and cautious policing, and justice — here we are. Breonna is simply one in a long, deplorable line of Black deaths at the hands of inept, untrained, bigoted police in this country. Fuck the few bad apples principal — what we see is that there are far too few good apples in policing. And those good apples are threatened into silence by the bad apples, so they are no better than the worm laden ones in the end.

Yes, the police had a search warrant for Taylor’s home. Based on her past association with that ex-boyfriend, and their belief packages had been delivered to her home in the past for him and another man they were also searching for.

Kenneth was not mentioned in any search warrant. No drugs of any kind were found in Breonna’s apartment.

The warrant was initially signed off to be a “no knock warrant”, but was changed before the raid to require knocking. Neighbor witnesses — 11 of them — have all stated they heard no officer identifying themselves as they rammed against the door. One neighbor believes they heard the word ‘police’ one time. Kenneth has also said he and Breonna asked who it was three times before the door came crashing in and he fired the gun.

In the long months that have passed since her slaying, police and defenders have tried to hide behind the word “botched” to describe the raid. Sorry, but botched is a TV show about plastic surgery gone bad that can be fixed. Botched does not describe the murder of a beautiful, young, innocent woman whose life was about helping other people. That shit cannot be undone.

Today the AG took to a podium and read the despicable decisions. Of the three officers, the only one to be indicted was Hankison. He had been previously fired for “an extreme indifference to the value of human life” when he fired blindly into the window and door. I told you above to remember that part. Here’s why. He was indicted today not for his culpability in Breonna’s murder, but for “wanton endangerment” — in that his bullets endangered the lives of three sleeping neighbors.

Not because Breonna was killed.

Oh, and since you apologists love to play But What About Their Past? — lovely Brett here has a history of excessive force complaints and sexual misconduct allegations. But hey, he’s white, so boys will be boys, huh?

The other two officers? Well, the words “scott free” apply here. No charges. Why? Because Kenneth, in standing his ground, shot first.

Just like you would. Just like I would.

The officer who had been shot in the leg? In the wee hours of yesterday morning, John-John sent a vile email to over 1,000 Louisville police officers. This pasty sack of bile whined on and on. He apologized not for his part in Breonna’s murder, but for the scrutiny brought upon them. Nothing was his fault. “I’m sorry the Mayor, Amy Hess and Chief Conrad failed all of us in epic proportions for their own gain and to cover their own asses.”

Douchebag, party of 1, your table is ready…

“It goes against EVERYTHING we were taught in the academy. The position that if you make a mistake in one of the most stressful times in your career the department and FBI (who aren’t cops and would piss their pants if they had to hold the line) go after you for civil rights violations. Your civil rights mean nothing, but the criminal has total autonomy.”

Mistake. Yeah, I would say murdering an innocent woman is a pretty goddamned big mistake. And where in your victimy screed do you allow for Breonna’s civil rights? Her autonomy?

“Regardless of the outcome today or Wednesday, I know we did the legal, moral and ethical thing that night.”

Help me out here, boo, was firing into the dark 32 times or letting her die, ignoring she was bleeding out, the legal, moral, or ethical part?

“It’s sad how the good guys are demonized, and the criminals are canonized.”

I totally agree — it is beyond sad how Breonna and Kenneth have been demonized and how so many bootlicking apologists have canonized you and your careless, murderous comrades.

“Remember you are just a pawn in the Mayor’s political game. I’m proof they do not care about you or your family, and you are replaceable.”

Jesus fucking Christ on a cracker — get this man some cheese to go with his whine.

How sad is it for you, little John, that there might be ANY accountability sought for the blind murder of someone? For how you shot six times into the dark? I guess it is a great thing for you that Kenneth tried to stand his ground first, thus making your every bullet defensible, huh? And yes, you pathetic weasel of a human; you inadequate, callow, sniveling little coward — YOU ARE REPLACEABLE. EVERY SINGLE FUCKING ONE OF YOU IS REPLACEABLE. To the left, to the left…

Your job is to protect and serve and if you cannot do it to the absolute best of your ability, GTFO. If your little fingers are so itchy to pull your trigger instead of de-escalating situations, you have no business with a gun — behind a badge or otherwise. If you are one of the hidden MANY white supremacists who have slithered into our police departments, you need exposed to sunlight and ripped out by the goddamned roots. If you are so fucking cavalier about the fact that you are completely responsible for taking the life of an innocent young woman, you do not deserve the taxpayer dollars that support you, you do not deserve the trust the public should be able to place in you.

You took a life. All three of you are complicit in what happened that night. Do you have zero thoughts for the life you took, for the shattered lives you left behind? Do you feel nothing about your unfixable “mistake”? Breonna worked as an EMT in two hospitals. It is very likely she could have had a hand in saving YOUR pathetic life, or that of your colleagues, at some point in the future. She was not a criminal. She was 26 years old and living her life.

It was stolen from her. Period. And there are not enough millions to ever replace the hole left in the lives of her family.

I think about her mother so much. The gaping wound left on that woman’s soul. Her shattered heart. Money will not heal that. Money will not bring Breonna back. Money will not hug her, share Christmas with her, sing songs with her, bring grandchildren into her life. Money will not lessen the pain. Time will push her forward; time will soften the edges of that wound; time will reduce the howling, inescapable pain to a dull, steady roar.

But it will never make it right. It will never bring her daughter back.

I fear for what happens next. How many lives will be lost as protests take hold, as people cry out for justice, against injustice. This photo from earlier today tore my heart out. As it should every decent person who sees it. I am not Black. But I am human. And I can only imagine the pain this man is feeling as yet again, this country demonstrates how little worth is given the currency of a Black life. BLACK LIVES MATTER. They do, to so many right thinking people in this land.

And today, more than ever, those three letters — BLM — raise up in memory, draw strength from the life of, and honor in full, the young woman whose life was only just beginning. For her, we must continue the march, hold hands stronger in solidarity, and feel even deeper the resolve needed for this fight.

BREONNA’S LIFE MATTERED.