Calm Your Tits

Linda Sharp
7 min readJun 28, 2024

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Rude? Whatever.

Got your attention this morning? Good.

Last night, in what was sold as a debate — wait, let’s pause there.

Debate, n: a formal discussion on a particular topic in a public meeting or legislative assembly, in which opposing arguments are put forward.

What took place last night was not a debate. It was what I wrote of yesterday. One decent, experienced politician at one podium, and one simian lobbing his own shit at the other. There was no discourse over policy, direction, or really even opposing arguments. Trump did what he does best — lied. Like breathing, he does not even have to think about what he is about to say, he just spews garbage. And Biden attempted to correct and fact check, but was swimming upstream against a tsunami of bullshit.

Anyone who has been in the presence of a loudmouthed, blowhard narcissist understands what they were watching. I loved my father, and he was a much better man at the end, but I have some serious hardcore memories of his bluster, bullshit, lies, and gaslighting, especially when he was out of his depth. The louder and more ludicrous he would get was his way of winning an argument. Emotional waterboarding. One would get so tired of even trying that they could not be faulted for throwing up their hands and shouting, “Yes, ok, the sky IS green. You win!”

In the presence of a head cold and a sore throat, and in the absence of any form of control or fact checking/pushback by CNN’s “moderators” you will brook no argument from me that Biden appeared less than he actually is. Contrast that with his immediate appearance at a Waffle House post debate where he spoke and took questions — strong, engaged, and conversant on the subjects at hand.

But that’s not where any focus was last night or will be found today as talking heads and a media which has proved itself to be nothing more than a clickbait addict fill the airwaves and websites with doom and gloom for Biden. (After all, it’s so much more fun to catastrophize, isn’t it?) And the fallout of it has been evident since last night. Handwringing and practically rending of garments on the Dem side. Gloating and glee from the MAGAts.

I say again, CALM YOUR TITS.

Obama vs Romney, 2012. He lost that debate. OBAMA. One of our finest minds and orators. He opted for an approach of being cautious and rational which ended up being perceived as “timid and disengaged”. Does anyone truly remember that debate? No. Because it was ONE. And what went on to happen? Two terms.

The immediate reaction last night was almost funny. Almost. Take Claire McCaskill, You would have thought someone died. Seriously. Heartbroken, bemoaning that Biden has created a “crisis among Democrats” after 90 minutes of trying to tread water in a sewer. To quote Sgt Hulka, “Lighten up, Francis.” And the onslaught of calls to replace him with a different candidate? Again, STOP. All I see is people panicking over one lackluster, cold and sore throat laden performance, and grasping for the closest life preserver, which in this case was Gavin Newsom.

As I said above, Claire and so many are acting like someone died. And actually I do liken this to when someone does die and the loved ones are faced with making a million snap decisions in a state of overwhelming shock and grief, and panic about their future.

If we were forced to wait two weeks after a loved one passed, actually take a breath and be able to swim out of the deep end of the pool of grief before faced with decisions about pricey caskets and post funeral brunches and prayer cards and thumbprint medallions, etc., how much less money would we actually spend? Given time to separate ourselves from intense emotion and knee jerking, which only serves to benefit the funeral grift game, and approach things in a much more calm, rational state of mind?

I can tell you from experience. My father would not be in the ridiculously expensive coffin in which he lay. My mother would not have jumped right into a “package” and assorted upgrades — I swear these things are sold like school pictures — that offered so many things that, in hindsight, were simply extraneous and at which my father would have rolled his Irish, cost sensitive eyes. But such is the nature of the beast. Given a chance to calm down, breathe, and recenter, my mother’s checking account would have thousands of dollars more in it. When I think about it, I hate how easily she was manipulated through her grief and shock. Even with my sister and I there beside her, the decisions were hers to make, and they were expensive.

And in the end? He is still dead. He does not care that his coffin is black and gold like his favorite Steelers, or that it is contained in a concrete vault, or that there are 500 prayer cards sitting in a box in Mom’s apartment or that there are DVDs collecting dust that spiral photos of him set against a bunch of questionable country and patriotic songs.

You know, here is where I will give the right a nod. No matter how pathetic, off, nonsensical, or criminal are their candidates, they tend to stay the course. They play the long game. Yes, in the case of Trump there is no question of the cult-like state of his followers, and the power hungry/blackmailed state of his enablers, but where are the calls to replace him? A convicted felon who cannot speak without creating an endless world salad bowl worthy of Olive Garden? A man who is literally decomposing physically and mentally in front of every set of eyes, yet there he is, their candidate, their Jesus Christ. And unless he strokes out or dies, he will continue to be their candidate.

A fascist who has made it very clear what his agenda will be if given the chance to darken the doors of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Project 2025, anyone?

Yes, Biden is old. SO. IS. TRUMP. And like Trump he could stroke out or die at any time, as could any of us. But I would vote for Jimmy Carter in hospice care before I would cast a vote that in any way would enable Trump’s reascension. I do not begrudge anyone a moment in this. Take it. Worry that another Ginsberg scenario could play out. But then move forward.

Our country’s entire future is on the line here. Do you want more of this Ten Commandments in classrooms bullshit? Or yesterday’s Oklahoma headline that now the Bible must be taught in public school? What happens when your wife gets pregnant and suddenly the world turns upside down and the only thing that will save her is ending the pregnancy, and you cannot find any doctor who will do it? What about when your child comes out as transgender and no matter how much you love them you have literally zero medical recourse to help them? Or when your gay marriage is overturned? When you cannot get a no-fault divorce, ladies? When the Supreme Court, which basically openly accepts bribes now with zero accountability is made even more extreme and Christo-fascist by allowing Trump to appoint even more Handmaid’s Tale lovers to the bench?

None of what I just wrote is me blowing things out of proportion or using scare tactics. It’s all happening now and is on the verge of happening if we lose our focus after one less-than-stellar performance. Look at everything this administration has done since 2021, the advances made, the focus on women’s rights, support of LGBTQIA, the decency and experience.

And then take a breath, recenter, and please calm your tits. We’ve got this.

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Linda Sharp

Author, columnist, blogger. Don’t Get Me Started and Transparent Trans Parent blogs